The little lady in the music box

What is beauty to you?

I’ve told this story before but I’d like to tell it again since I believe my mother is a very wise woman and had foreseen many things I would face when choosing to be a musician in the public’s eye. 

When I was about 17, I told my mom that music was what I loved most in life and that I had decided to pursue it as a career. As always, she was very supportive of me but she had one stipulation in order for me to have her full blessing on this: 

She told me that I had to enter a beauty pageant.   That’s right… a Beauty Pageant!

I was mortified. 

To give you a quick background…I was the ugly duckling of my school for most of my teenage life. I endured teasing on a daily basis, simply based on the way that I looked. I had become accustomed to being the girl who wasn’t very cute.  The girl who wouldn’t get asked to the school dance.. But you know what, there was something very important which developed during those years. That was a burning, almost insatiable desire to be something great.. to do something great.. to be appreciated for what good I could leave the world in my short life.. to make at least just one other person’s life better. All of this I wanted to achieve not by being beautiful, but by creating something lasting which came from a place of positivity and light. 

To this day, that’s my driving force. That’s my ultimate goal in doing music and writing songs..

Something happened however, around 16 or 17. I began coming out of my seriously awkward phase and suddenly, I was getting the occasional, ’ hey you’re pretty’ . It was like I woke up one day and my nose finally fit on my face, my eyebrows didn’t look like Buddha’s, my skin cleared, and well.. I was just growing up. This was completely foreign to me and even now when people compliment me like that it feels nice for a few seconds but really it just goes in one ear and out the other. Why? I’m not used to it and I don’t think I’ll ever be. I am of course human and would prefer to be found attractive by others but real beauty to me is truly (as cliche as it sounds) all of the things which lie beneath the surface of the skin… it’s your spirit, the way you treat others, your capacity to love..it’s one’s empathy, strength, grace.. humility. Those are the things that I would like to work on in my life.

Now back to my mother and the dreaded pageant.

I asked her why in the world I would have to enter a beauty pageant, something that went against everything that I was. She told me that if I wanted to be a musical artist and be in the public’s eye.. I would first have to prove to her that I had the nerve to be judged solely on the way that I looked… that I could stand up in front of thousands knowing that every person in that room was assessing my looks and comparing me to hundreds of other girls. She told me that if I could endure that and do it successfully, that I would show her I had the strength to go through that on a bigger level if and when music took off for me. She said that I had to realize that the world can be superficial and that I had to find a way to both accept it and transcend it. Like I said, my mom is a very wise woman :)

The short version of the pageant results is that out of 500-600 girls, I placed top 20. I was the only non caucasian girl.. it was quite a sight to see me in that group i’m sure, my black hair, super pale skin, and dark olive dress a huge contrast to all of the glitter/sparkle/hairspray/dark orange tan … lol

But my proudest accomplishment that night was taking home the Vocal Accomplishment award :) 

Although I feel I am just scratching the surface of my musical career, I have definitely experienced a fair share of cruel words and scrutiny.. sometimes again, just for the way I look. Only this time, it’s not highschool.. the words that people choose can be so brutal and hurtful, it really surprises me as to where people can dig up such hatred. I am sensitive and admit that it hurts sometimes but I have also developed quite a thick skin (especially thanks to YouTube and the frequent crazies who find their way to my videos..lol) What person takes the time to sit down at their computer and write the meanest things you’ve ever heard.. !!? You have to admit though, it’s also kind of sad because you must imagine that those people can’t possibly be very happy with themselves.  

Anyway, fast forward many years.. I am 27 years old ! You know what’s funny, I’ve never had a hang up about getting older…Yes, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and I will see signs that my time spent in the sun, or smiling/laughing, staying up late into the night writing coming out on my skin.. my face…wherever… I’m sure that if I do, it’ll be pointed out to me by others before I see it myself. Why? Because I’m.. happy… I found happiness in my love for music, in my love for living and in my love for the people who are dear to me. 

That being said, I’m not passing up on a cute dress, the perfect blush, or a bangin haircut !!  ;)

What is beauty to you? 

love,

Marié